cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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