at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
