Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You pole danced in your parka.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
