I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
