I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
