They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
