Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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