We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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