My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
