Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
