Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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