he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
