OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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