guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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