you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
