i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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