Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
