he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
