and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
