Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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