I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
