DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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