just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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