I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
