party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
