You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i will never coherently bang her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
