i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
