Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I love you. Go after that dick
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
