do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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