You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
