He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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