I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
