There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
