The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
