I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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