I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
