3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
