she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
