know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
