I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
