Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
