My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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