I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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