I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
