we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
