So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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