if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
