he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
