I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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