Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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